She knows you love games. She’s learned to live with your gamer ways. Fortnite is addicting, she understands that, but she also realizes you need your man-cave time.
Things are almost perfect with her. But not now. So how screwed are you? Things are better than you think…
This isn’t completely new territory.
There was that one time she walked in on you playing Grand Theft
Auto and she saw Mercedes Cortez roaming your screen. She suspected you might be in ‘overdrive’ over Mercede’s lovely curves. But she let it slide. In fact, the incident resulted in a random weekly girlfriend blowjob.
But now things are different.
This time, she traversed your man-cave bongs and gamer couches and energy drink cans to find you enthralled by a free porn game. You had no idea she hovered over your left shoulder, so you continued to try and save a scantily dressed and distressed girl from falling over a cliff. You grazed your fingers over your bulging erection. Your girlfriend, mortified, shouted profanities and stomped her way back up the man-cave steps.
You only saw her ass as she hurriedly made way back to the main living quarters. Your head ripe with beads of disconcerted and shameful sweat, you realize that your man-cave is 100% compromised.
You’re a porn gamer. You don’t just frisk sexy GTA gamer girls, you jerk off to porn games. Since I have no time machine, it isn’t worth talking too much about the error of your ways that led to your exposure. Instead, we need to be proactive and help you deal with the situation.
How To Survive After Your Girlfriend Catches You Playing Free Porn Games
You’re caught. You’re disheveled. But just know, everything you do within the first 24 hours of porn game-gate will set the stage for your odds of survival. She’s contemplating leaving. She’s telling her girlfriends that you are some sleezy porn game dude. Your reputation and your relationship are burning. You need to put out the fire.
Stop Playing Porn Games (Not Forever)
Unless you want your girlfriend to end up revenge blowing one of your guy friends in a Target parking lot, you need to immediately stop your porn game activity. Yes, this includes the free porn games on your Android tablet.
Don’t sweat it, this is just an immediate action that helps ensure you don’t do more immediate damage. It’s not the long term play. This is a porn game community, I’d be remiss to recommend giving up one of life’s great technological luxuries.
But you can’t get caught again, certainly not immediately.
You are in damage control mode.
Allow a Cool Down Period of Roughly 1 Hour
During this period of no porn game play, you’ll need to give your girlfriend an hour to cool down. If you engage her immediately, you risk making things all worse. She’s angry, bitter, and humiliated. The combination is a tempest that’s spinning out of control. The energy alone could destroy you.
Let her cool down for an hour, this way, she’ll choose one of her emotions as her core response. That may be anger, it could be bitter, and it may be humiliation.
All the same, one is better than the chaos of three.
Explain That ‘Porn Games Are Mainstream’
Don Draper once said that if you don’t like the conversation that’s happening, change it.
You need to control the narrative in short order. Remember, she only caught a glimpse of a flailing temptress nearly swallowed by an erupting volcano. She knows you were playing a porn game, but also, she doesn’t.
Her rash decision to flee the scene of her dreadful humiliation left her without full evidence. No girl wants to confront the idea that their boyfriend is being seduced by porn game girls.
Instead, you need to negotiate the idea of what really happened. Right now, your girlfriend believes you play porn games all day and night. You’ve been living a lie. She could deal with you’re occasionally jerking off to GTA girls, but this is a whole other level.
You can’t deny it. That’s not going to work. Once you deny, you’re a liar who cheats on her with porn game girls. This decreases your power position.
So negotiate.
Instead, say you occasionally do play slightly erotic games. Point out that adult games are becoming mainstream. Recently, a porn game nabbed $2 million on Kickstarter. That’s mainstream.
You need to sell her on the fact that yeah, you were being a dirty bro, but no, you aren’t some societal outlier.
Say ‘Adult Games’ – Not ‘Porn Games’ or ‘Erotic Games’
You need to cut off the use of “porn games” from her vocabulary. That starts with you. Many girls may accept that it’s not a porn game if you do your best to change the terminology. In fact, here’s a Reddit thread that does just that.
GTA is an adult game. So roll with that as your preferred lexicon.
Do not keep correcting her. Rather, just use it yourself. She’s already inflamed, don’t make things worse by correcting her. She’ll end up reacting harshly.
Try this:
“You slimy dirtbag, you jerk off to porn games, I’m disgusted with you.”
“I get it, adult games seem odd, but they are actually fun. In fact, there is a new adult game that nabbed $2 million on Kickstarter. Wanna see a trailer for it?”
Wait, do you now feel confused? Don’t sweat it, I’ll explain the “wanna see a trailer for it” part later.
Action Items:
- Change the lexicon to “adult games”
- Don’t correct her while she’s mad
- Cite mainstream adult games
Use Mobile Porn Games
You aren’t going to stop your porn game habit. When the 24 hour cool-down period is over, don’t risk playing porn games on your 65 inch Samsung 4K TV.
Go mobile.
Here are tons of amazing free Android porn games at your disposal.
Conceal your porn gaming habit. I know its tempting to go full TV on this stuff, but once you are helping a broke waitress pay for school in exchange for virtual blowjobs, your senses are dead to the rest of the world. That’s how you got caught in the first place.
This should be an immediate change.
Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean you’ll never play porn games in 65-inch 4K resolution again. Trust me, I have a plan.
Leverage Porn Games To Bolster Your Sex Life
And here we’ve arrived at the end game.
Remember earlier when you planted those seeds of both of you playing porn games together? You pitched that they were “adult games” that the mainstream embraces.
Now it’s time to grease the slutty girlfriend groove to your advantage.
Let’s explore the current climate at your house.
Your girlfriend feels insecure. She’s being rivaled by virtual broke college girls looking to do anything at all to make ends meet. She doesn’t feel she can compete. But she also doesn’t want to drop to her knees and blow you on the couch during Game of Thrones.
This means she either leaves and tarnishes your reputation, or stays and dries you out and tarnishes your reputation.
Neither of those cases is good for you.
Instead, I recommend you continue to explore the option of letting your girlfriend play porn games with you. Maybe even go so far as to cruise the most popular porn games section with her at your side.
Here are the benefits.
She won’t see you as hiding porn games anymore. Instead, it will appear that no enigma exists at all. Much of her anger is derived from the deceit of it all. Now the deceit dies away. And with that, some level of girlfriend rage slumps.
She will be a party to her own crimes. She’s painted you as a filthy bro who plays porn games. Now she’s a coconspirator in it all. This means she can’t bash you so much because she’s doing it. Even if just once, she’s attached to playing porn games.
You will convey to her what you like without having to say it.
Listen, no one wants to tell their girlfriend to pretend she can’t pay rent and to offer you a blowjob to help her struggle. The porn game plotlines, however, will allow her to understand your sexual needs better. She’ll appreciate this as much as you will.
Don’t be surprised if your porn game concludes with your girlfriend giving you a blowjob. And imagine that. Instead of jerking off while that online game waitress is going down on you, you’ll be pairing it with the real thing.